How Would I Write This Paragraph More Intelligently?

Question by Logan: How would I write this paragraph more intelligently?
“Though using drugs is a person’s own decision, it has been proven that there are also uncontrollable elements in the process of drug addiction. Though environment and genes are important variables in initial drug use and continued drug addiction, staying away from drugs in the first place is the only sure way of not becoming a drug addict.”

I need this last paragraph of my essay to sound more sophisticated. I have horrible writer’s block at the moment and can’t think of how to reword this. I also need 2 or 3 more sentences added to it. Can anyone rewrite this more intelligently for me? Will award best answer if I use your sentence!

Best answer:

Answer by Froggy
The use of proscribed drugs is a personal choice but one that most simply ‘fall into’ rather than after careful consideration. Saying ‘NO’ as the adverts told us, is not really a very practical solution in the restriction of their uses as peer pressure has been shown to be a fairly important factor, particularly when ‘bullying’ or the demeaning of an individual for not being part of the group, is added. The mystique of drug taking requires to be eradicated before any real effect will be made on this modern-day scourge and there is no better antidote than to ‘stay away’ from all forms of proscribed drugs.

Answer by Asdfghjkl
Although the decision to use drugs is a matter of free will, it is important to note that there are other elements, such as environmental influences and genetic impulses, which often contribute to the development of substance dependance. For those who may have a hereditary history of substance abuse it is best to abstain, but it would be naive to assume that such an idea could garner influence in a society where the use of illicit substances is so prevalent. The best thing that we can do is encourage people to research substances, dosage, and appropriate usage before attempting to try anything and also provide open communication and paths to rehabilitation for those who may have developed dependancy.

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I dunno what you were going for but I’m pro drug use so I threw that last bit in there for consideration. Abstinence just doesn’t work. It’s like abstinence only sex education.. doesn’t do **** and those kids are probably even more likely to experiment with sex than the kids who get actual sex ed.. so what ends up happening is that because they don’t have any knowledge of contraception and STD’s they end up screwing their **** up. And then on top of that those people who are PRO abstinence are also PRO life so then people can’t get abortions either. Just something you should consider. It’s better to promote knowledge than it is to scare people into staying away from something.

Wealthy drug addicts and alcoholics lured to Adelaide with cheap flights
Mr Bowen, a former sales executive and drug addict who has managed admissions for major rehab centres in the UK, said professionals such as lawyers and the children of wealthy people would be among the likely interstate clients. Mr Bowen said …
Read more on The Daily Telegraph


 

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