Drug Abuse

Question by Josip I: Am I some sort of sociopath?
Yeah, yeah, wait a second before you type that old “stoopid you’re not a sociopath, you’re a pimply angst-ridden teenager” response I know your fingers are itching at. I ask this question only with curiosity at exactly what one would define what goes on in my head, not with some desire to be validated by people of yahoo answers as some sort of ultimate badass.

I don’t have moods, really. I have phases of relatively light-hearted optimism, and periods of destructive dysphoria, but these only last a few hours at very most. 90% of the time I don’t really have a general feeling about me. I can be paranoid, especially if I vandalize or otherwise deface property and I leave loose ends tied up, even if the specific anxiety is obviously irrational. However, when I have a truly desired goal in mind, all anxiety disappears, at least for the time being. I do not know what guilt feels like, I don’t know what shame even means, and I have never experienced any truly meaningful empathy or sympathy. I had a flash of something for my cat once as I contemplated burying him alive in a shoebox, but if I had been angry at him it would not have happened, and my capacity for empathy really only makes my sadism more pleasurable. (Something which has been found in high intelligence sociopaths is that they have above normal levels of empathy, but, like with me, it only serves a sadistic purpose. This is actually why the idea of sociopathy came to my mind.)

At 16 and 3 months my Wechsler IQ was measured at 153. I don’t think like normal people, and normal people tend not to understand my motives in situations. I cannot be bothered to totally explain my psyche for them, and consequently my actions are often thought of as unjust or amoral, when I was simply serving a drive I was incapable of resisting. These drives, which feed the aforementioned goals, often manifest as desires for sadism, dominance, control, strength, and worship. They are the only things in my life that I truly care about, although I do often also engage in more purely hedonistic pursuits. If any person goes against these particular desires of mine, I am filled with extreme anger. It is strong and brief like a summer storm. For these reasons, at bit before 17 years of age, I already have an extensive history of drug abuse and physical violence, and a long, though undocumented, list of instances of organized psychological assaults in my past. If a person is not available for revenge, my next target is animals. Stray cats are among my favorite victims, though I’ve never killed one before a person heard its cries and ventured over to investigate.

I have no emotional attachment to my family or friends. There is no one in the world that I actually like. It’s understandable even in the context of a normal psyche that I would have attachment issues, however, since my mother rarely showed me affection during my childhood, and I spent most of my time with only toys and a little smelly dog. Still, I naturally lure people under my influence, even when I don’t try. Those close to me don’t ever show disapproval of my actions for fear of seeming weak. Despite my disconnection from most of humanity, I am normally able to understand every facet of a person’s psyche with extreme ease. I often use this when I manipulate or take revenge on people; once I used a girl’s childhood history of sexual abuse to precisely target the vulnerable facets of her personality (trust, self-image, etc.) and take revenge for her crimes against me.

Despite my natural leadership abilities, I often feel like other people are above me. Intellectually, I would never be able to come up with a justification for this, and I would say that I am simply a superior type of human, but deep down I feel as though people loathe me, hate me, and are disgusted by me. I feel like the world is just waiting for the second it can turn against me. Lately, however, this and my paranoia have begun to dissipate, since I developed the ability to imagine what other people are thinking and it has given me much confidence. I have even begun to feel superior other people in many instances.

But some behaviors I have exhibited still puzzle me, though the above may explain them. At 15 I had a girlfriend whom I was relatively devoted to. At one point I lost all interest in her and became attracted to her friend, but then I consciously willed myself to be attracted to my girlfriend again, though I don’t remember any reason for it other than that it was easier than seducing the friend instead. I don’t think I would have grieved if she died, but I truly did enjoy being loved, and not in the dominant Machiavellian fear-love sense for once, and when it ended I was unhappy for a day or two. Later on I would screw around with her again, and even then it bothered me when she seemed to distance herself and stop acting as though she genuinely cared for me. Does this mean I’m not a truly heartless being? I’ll be honest, I really enj
I’ll be honest, I really enjoy the idea that I’m devoid of human caring. It’s the only thing that gives me real, consistent satisfaction in life. The girl did anger me one day and I planned to tear her vulnerable psyche to pieces, but I wasn’t able to carry it out before I was forced to discharge my anger on a stray cat. I once had a dream (rare for me) that I was having a conversation with her in my bathroom mirror where I repeatedly shouted and cursed at her, and I presume this means that my interactions with her became a reflection of my self-image, to try to alleviate my above feelings of ostracization and persecution. But I figure it’s also possible that I don’t want to believe I actually cared, and have just come up with a rationalization.

So, I come to you with my (slightly too long) query. I asked this to mental health yesterday, and the most knowledgeable sounding answer I received said that I should see if I could kill a cat, but there weren’t any slow ones last night.
I told the truth here because I want to know if I’m really capable of what I think I am. I still had to read over it a few times to take out the lies that slipped through though.

Best answer:

Answer by Kappy
You obviously know that you shouldn’t be diagnosed on Yahoo Answers of all places, but this is something that I could probably give you some insight to.

You greatly qualify for being what is not properly called “sociopathy”, but “psychopathy”, or Antisocial Personality Disorder.

The main symptoms would be known as the McDonald’s Triad. That is, animal abuse, pyromania, and chronic bed-wetting. As someone older, you would be known to be a very charming, likeable person, capable of making everyone be your friend, yet without any regard for them — you do it out of want to control, and to appear normal. Paranoia is common, as is anger issues.

Unfortunately, there is honestly no cure for it, spare getting a lobotomy. However, I am no psychologist or psychiatrist.

I commend that you understand yourself so well. But you and I both know that if you were to ever give in to the desire to harm another, you could very well be caught, and punished by law. So, my only advice is to see a psychologist — someone who you honestly believe could be helpful to you — and make sure you don’t do anything stupid. The psychologist will help with further insight, and probably be able to help your paranoia.

Good luck, sir. You’re pretty cool, and I don’t want you to end up screwed over :/

Answer by pearlysama
For once, someone that has done their research.

It seems like its possibly that you are a sociopath/psychopath. I say this because you mention that you really have no empathy toward people. That and your delinquent behavior and cruelty to animals (and in some cases, people). These are the biggest indicators of psychopathy.

However, I’m a little iffy with telling you that this is a certainty for a few reasons.

One is the fact that you are very blatant with your symptoms. This makes me wonder if these are symptoms you are forcing on yourself because of a bad combination of research and self-diagnosis or if these are real symptoms. Most psychopaths aren’t very willing to shed the “mask of sanity”, not even to find out what’s going on with themselves. You see, they are pathological liars. I knew someone who acts almost exactly as you are describing, but he will never admit it to anyone. The only way I know he acts this way is because I was on the receiving end of it. But this isn’t really a rule, as I remember watching the serial killer Kuklinski and he was very honest about his actions and his feelings behind them. The second reason is that you are still a teen, right? Psychopathy cannot be diagnosed until the person in question is an adult (over 20 years old, I believe).

The only way to be sure of your illness, if any, is to go to a therapist and be honest with them. There are a few other illnesses with similar symptoms as this, so psychopathy/sociopathy isn’t the only possibility.

As for your girlfriend when you were 15, if you really are a psychopath, its very possible that you felt upset by her not caring for you anymore just because you could not control her anymore.

Bieber Marijuana Use Illuminates Adolescent Trend
Justin Beiber's recently exposed use of marijuana and Xanax illuminates a growing trend among adolescents in the United States. Marijuana use among teens has been growing in recent years according to a report by the National Institute on Drug Abuse, …
Read more on Guardian Liberty Voice

Addiction recovery stories highlight program for teens and parents
Because of that, Liberation Programs is here to help both parents and teens navigate this challenging time. The local nonprofit organization is one of the leading substance abuse treatment and prevention agencies in Fairfield County. It offers a …
Read more on Greenwich Post

Get Healthy: Reducing drug use among teens an important goal
The last week in January is National Drugs Facts Week 2014. This is a great opportunity to confront the problem of drug use in our community, especially among teens, and dispel some myths about drug use. The weeklong health observance, organized by …
Read more on Nevada Appeal

 

NARCONON Georgia prescription drug abuse among teenagers. – The Narconon New Life Detoxification Program has resulted in astonishing improvements in students who consistently report: – Ability to think more clearly. -…